I was wondering how much for granted we take so many things in our lives. Sometimes we don’t realize the value of our eyes and when they are hurt in one way or the other we feel as if the whole world has fallen apart. But what I am going to talk about is something that has changed my entire life and made me so calm that nothing ever can happen in my life ever again that can even come close to that experience.
Few of my close friends know what I am talking about. A dear friend who means the world to me happened to be the unlucky one to be in an accident that led them onto a roller coaster ride of memory losses. This friend in the first few months after the accident got a wrong diagnosis and never knew that that one head collision would make her life turn upside down.
Sadly the doctors here in Norway operated on her and didn’t manage to do a good job at all. They kept on operating on her again and again and sadly each surgery led to the memory being wiped away again and again. How did that affect the people around her, just imagine. The family the friends going through hell after hell seeing the lovely person go through something just because the doctors right after the accident failed to do a CT scan.
Sometimes the memory loss went back 4 years, sometimes 6 years and sometimes 8. All friends all thoughts all things learnt all gone from the mind, the way she learnt to live to handle things in life, the skills to go through phases of life in her own way all gone each time a surgery was conducted. Who is to blame? Or is this how God has planned everything?
At the time of writing this the dear friend has gone through 18 memory losses, two major operations, was pronounced dead three times, lost her voice 6 times completely, lost feelings in her legs and was unabel to walk for months, had seen the light in her deepest of the deepest comas and returned back to her loved ones again and again, had knowledge of a injection that took her memory away from her each time she was injected and wow what courage, has amazed the doctors who claim she shouldn’t even be alive as nothing shows up correct on her reports since years now.. but just like we can’t see God but know he is there.. the phenomenon that she is amongst us is nothing short of a miracle.
How many of the people I know are going through petty little things that cry on each occasion they get. “Oh my boss did this and I am going to do this to him” or “My brother did this and I am gonna make him pay”
There is another friend who has lost her memory and gone back in time, not one not two but 24 YEARS!! Can you imagine the feelings, the relations, the new family members, the ones they have lost the new friends who were the world to them… just imagine how painful it might have been and how painful it is to not know who is who, and just go by the book you have written few days before your surgery hmm. You want to imagine that and compare it to things that you currently make a fuss about? hmm
Those lovely people I am talking about are the victims of what most would call Injustice by God. But never in the entire few years of knowing those two people I have heard them complain, not even once. The first friend who is still on the verge of going through a memory loss and being treated for very serious condition is still hopeful and yes she should be as well, because no hope = no life. And the best thing I heard from her was “Wakas why would I complain to God, he chose me and he knows I can do it so I will and since you in my life I can go through this again and again knowing you there” hmm those few words are enough for anyone to keep holding on .. wouldn’t you?
Memory for some of us is the most valuable possession. Actually if you think deeply about it, it IS us. right? I mean we are what we do, and what we do is what our mind remembers from past experiences, our wins oru losses, what happened when we did this or that. And looking at the conditions the above friends are going through. Have you ever in the slightest of moments thought about each and every lovely moment you have spent with your friends, with family and your loved ones. The memories you cherish the skills you posses the education you spent years getting, the degree you spent so much money earning.. Imagine for a single moment, that you wake up and its all gone……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
What would you do? Who would you complain to? Or let me rephrase my friend… What CAN you do?
Anything you have in your control that can bring the memory back before it’s supposed to, naturally? Hmm my friend.. what you lose is not just your memory, you lose yourself. You lose what you are what you had become.
I have learnt that people who go through something as tough as a memory loss tend to either lose it or stay strong and firm. But in order to do so they have to have faith in something they believe in or have friends that really truly care for them. I have seen people misguide those friends in various ways for their own benefit, I have seen things in the past few years of my life that no one has even imagined to even make movies out of. What is it that becomes of a person who sees another person with a memoryloss.. Is it the fact that they don’t remember anything that makes someone into an animal with no feelings at all? Or is it the helplessness that becomes like a fetish to them that they keep on feeding their appetite and not care about the one suffering. I have seen people almost trick those friends into thinking they are not who they are and being misguided. I thank God each and every single moment of my life that I was there to not let them be misguided. I just wish I could do more.. but since my belief in that everything happens for a reason is so strong now, I couldn’t have NOT been there that was and that is my destiny.
Looking back I have learnt one thing. Life is for living, even when some might want to end it because of so much they have to go through. It is still something which we have to live through. Most of the times not just for ourselves but to give others the hope that “there is hope no matter what” and I believe there is hope when there is no hope at all 
Memory hmm it’s just a word for some, but I have seen my whole world turn upside down in minutes. Literally getting a lovely message from the friend to getting a “Who is this?” message after they wake up from surgery taught me one thing. And it is that we are just pawns and the one who is controlling us and moving us around is the creator who created the chessboard, the world, and the universe.
I feel so helpless seeing those friends go through this, and all who are reading who might have gone through something as tough as a memoryloss. I feel sorry for those that don’t believe in this that people can get memoryloss. I have heard some people even close to few people I know saying “Come on there is no such thing as memoryloss” I have heard people close to that friend’s family who right on that friend’s face say “Oh are you joking or are you really suffering from memory loss”
Joking??? Who would want to be living in a state of fear each second of their life. Imagine again, but then again my friend don’t imagine.. I know how it feels when your loved ones moments after waking up from coma tell you that they don’t know you and you work on the friendship again. And few weeks later they lose their memory again and you do it again, and again and again.
But you know what. I feel so lucky to be a part of something so amazing. I feel that God has chosen me as if he is saying “I know that your friend is going through this again and again, BUT since I see that you can handle it and help them.. I am giving you this task”
I don’t complain because some people are worth holding on to. Not to be feeling sorry for them but to be proud of knowing those individuals for being a part of my life. I observe and learn as to how they live their life. What some would go through and end their life, is making those two friends I know and respect dearly want to live their life. Isn’t that amazing?
So my friend.. how valuable is your memory for you? Let me tell you … you can’t put a value on those breaths you are taking.. and you won’t be able to put a price on your memory You are your memories, and you are priceless. Cherish them, and cherish the people who are in them. Call them up, tell them you care for them, say sorry to those that you have hurt, say it’s ok to those that hurt you. Let go of bad feelings, bad thoughts because you know why? Because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring with it.
I wish and pray to God that no one ever has to go through what those friends are going through. Life sometimes is tough, but it’s not tougher than what God has already created my friend… YOU!
June 25th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
aww… you have written such a beautiful text. we always forget to appreciate the little things we have in our lives. memory is such a big blessing of God. I will pray to God for your friend and all the people who are suffering from this. May he gives them strength to cope with it and make things easier for them.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Hmmm you have left me absolutely speechless Wakas with this entry.Hmm what can I say.
Memories are what make us who we are.They mould us to develop our attitudes, the way we behave, the way we build relationships & live our life.Imagine getting up one day not knowing who, where ,what or how you landed up where you are.A blank of the past few years of your life?? Amnesia can be really scary dont you think???
Yea knowing these two people I have seen the memory wiped clean as well.The despair of not realizing where the lost years have gone, the despair of finding out how life has changed, the despair of not recognizing people who are in your life, the despair of finding a few you knew n counted on not being there.The hopelessness of not being able to connect to anybody, not knowing who to trust or who will take advantage of the situation.Well can any of us even Imagine???Or can most of us even been able to go through all dis??
When we as their friends can feel despair Imagine what these two special people must be going through.The uncertainity behind their whole existence.I salute them their grit, determination, attitude, courage & will to combat the odds n unfortunate circumstances in their lives.
Like you said Wakas who can we question or complain to??? I agree we have been blessed with knowing these two amazing people who have more than a lifetimes learning to teach us.The calm, quiet amazing way they deal with their situation, the way they don’t blame anybody or anything, the exceptional attitude towards life it has for sure made me realize a lot of what I should change in myself.
As I see the cheerful way these two amazing people accept, deal with all the unfortunate problems in their lives, the memory losses, they teach me another thing.To live every moment to the fullest.To cherish each & every treasured moment & to look at what good life has offered me.
I am blessed to be a part of their lives & I know the innate faith they show n the way they have always trusted me when they have had these memory losses have given me a belief in miracles & that is what they are to me.
As for people who don’t believe in memory losses, what can I tell you all I feel sorry that you are not strong enough to accept certain things can happen just because it hasnt happened to anybody you know . Well your lifes lessons would come to you some other way I suppose.
Well Life happens & like said We all play roles pre written for us. Whatever life throws our way,it is so becoz it was meant to be & other than learning something good out of it & coming out stronger, if we take the cowards way out of giving up, we are finished.So live each moment to the fullest & yes tell the people who you care for what they mean to you because who knows tommorrow you may not even remain as a memory Hmmm.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
For anyone going through this is a pain full situation not khow who they are, and people who clame the family , if they really are. we loose our confidence to small things, if we look close by many are going through this situation
this is happening so close to ur loved ones can imagine the days and nite must be more like nightmere thinging when it will end.
i pray for their fast recovery, and may god never let any one go through it
we khow ur very strong and u will beat all the odd and be with us soon God bless u.lots od duas and love
June 25th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Bhai nobody could have written so better than u…Ur so transparent with ur thoughts..Every word reaches our heart n soul…I know how difficult it is to see our loved ones suffer n hats off to the person who has beared all the life’s brunt so bravely…n proved time n again wrong with positive thoughts n zest to live with Allaah’s help.
Ur so right when in crisis people around us means a lot in one’s life..n a God’s blessing when u have positive people around u…that pulls u out from the crisis…
No words left to express how beautifully u have expressed such complex n heart touching subject…Bless u bro n bless all our loved ones around…:)
June 25th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I read this blog and was umm touched by how beautifully one can express their views inspite of not going through it personally but by juz observing your luved ones go thru it.
God Bless
I myself am a victim of mem loss so thought wud put one or two words in this umm.. dunno how much i will be able to write but if it helps your 2 friends then i wud be glad to say few things.
Firstly my prayers to your 2 friends who are going thru this right now and i can very well imagine and feel hw it must be for them. I have myself lost 24 yrs of my life as it was told to me. I was asked when I was born, did i remember my mother, and all those questions, which i was unable to answer since I dun remember ne of it. Thats when they concluded that i have a complete mem loss.
When I opened my eyes to see all strangers standing in front of me, not knowin my name and why i was in the hospital and wat was the purpose and other 100 questions runnin thru my mind, I shivered a lot. I didnt know what i was thinkin, or wanted to even convey to everybody.
I still am so blank and confused with so many questions in my mind, but there was this diary which was passed to me wherein I had written about few people and myself. I couldnt related with that diary then because i wasnt able to relate with my handwriting. Everything felt so impossible and blank then. As i was reading, I had written few things about myself which i had written and which assured me that it was my writing and my thoughts because of the mole i mentioned thats there on my left wrist and all those things.ummm..
Memories then i didnt know wat it was. Its been 5 days since i was awake and feels like i was born just 5 days back. ummm. Even after reading my diary i was blank because i cudnt relate with anybody.
But each page i have written to stay calm and keep smiling and as each day will pass, i will know more about myself. umm Lot of questions still come in my mind but i dont let it bother me because i know if i have written all that then there is some reason which i dunno wat right now.
I know for sure that I am alive and i exist and there is a purpose for my existence and also there are people behind my existence. ummm n based on that i am trusting people. umm.. I was told not to stress myself with nething because rebleeding can mean end of my life ummm. so i have heard what doctors had to say, rest is up to me how i go about it.
As one of your friend said, you cannot blame God for anything. If he has put me in this situation, i know he will take me out as well. My faith in HIM is very strong.
For me my past 5 days memories are precious and I am hanging on to it very strongly. Be in blank, confused and at times very happy moments but i did create memory for myself in these past 5 days. I have started praying and it gives me lot of inner peace and strength to deal each minute with lot of calmness and smile.
Whatever I am going thru rt now, I dont know if its bad or worst. I surely dont want any of you to even go through it but inspite of all this, I know God is taking care of me and is holding me high up.
All i want to say is, live your life as it comes. If you have a mem loss, then dun stress yourself and get ill again. You will get your mem back, it is just a matter of time. Sit and pray and talk to the people who are showin their care for you. I am still learning new words, new places, new things in my life. it is all new to me but i am trying to make it interesting and keep it simple because that is all i know.
I know and my faith says that i will recall everything soon. Till then i am planning to stay happy with my confusions umm hehe and will stay happy later as well
June 26th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Very touchy subject Wakas hmmmm, And the way you wrote it really touches the heart and soul… reading all replies as well hmmm everything is there.. And thanx to Reader above hmmm tips to deal with memory loss will definitely help..
I myself has been thru something very very similar as in this blog hmmm or in other words you can say I can see and feel its written abt me, like im one of your friends hmmm… and believe me its not easy, but then again whats easy… Life itself is very though thing but we are still alive and living it quite well arnt we
I have had memory loss many times hmmm and still today there is so much i dont remember from my past few years, and its like something inside me thats missing badly, and im like a puzzle game and there are so much missing in it, can you imagine being a puzzle and not knowing where the parts are?! Hmmmm not many can do that I guess… And I pray to God that may nobody ever get to know it as well hmmm… I ofcourse dont remember my previous mem losses but last time I woke up and couldnt understand what is going on and what where I am, and what im doing there…. after few questions from Dr and so on I was told that once im back in time that thou its temporary and ill be oki, it will take time can take weeks, months and even years hmmmm…. I cant tell exact what i felt but yea I kind of felt like the sky has fell down on my head or maybe my head would blow in next few sec hmmmm… awful… slowly I accepted that oki hmmm stay calm its just a test from God and you be oki, no tension, this is nothing ppl are suffering from so much worse etc… so I tried to talk to myself in a positive way and that helped…
My life was changed up side down in the missing time, absolutely changed, nothing was the same hmmmm… I didnt know who to talk to, whom to trust or not to, Sow that ppl around me had differents stories of what i have been doing and so on…. hmmm and unfortunately i had nothing i wrote there coz no1 could find where I had hidden the stuff I had during the previous few mem losses… Filmi na? Ask me even I would say very filmi, and when I was told whats been happening by someone very dear in my life, who became my soulmate during the time that was wiped away from my memory I felt like a doll, no emotions no feelings, I used to listen to everything bu felt like he talking abt someone else or telling me some kind of story or something and when I realized that OmG its MY life story he is telling me, I have no words to describe what I felt hmmmmm… took me some time to get used to my this new life..
I had lost ppl very very precious and dear to me, became friends with new ones and so much that has changed hmmm…Its a pure nightmare… Wondering what kind of relationship I had to someone telling me we were friends, what I learned, all my knowledge, all my talks everything ……………………………gone! hmmm but Im thankful that God is thinking of me and that he thinks im worth this test, coz if I see it the other way I feel blessed, how many gets the chance to learn so much from life hmm
…
What hurts the most is seeing ppl around me, my loved ones going thru this with me, seeing them each day in so much pain coz they cant see me so confused, seeing that one person in life who has always been right there to support and guide me go thru so much pain, sometimes kills me totally hmmm… so I decided not to be confused and hmmm just leave it to God, he will definitely find a good way out here, My faith has always helped me in every possible way
Unfortunately i have seen as mentioned in the blog Wakas that some might think this is something that I made up hmmm, that im actually not suffering from mem loss hmmm, these kind of things happend only in movies, Where does movies come from I ask? And I get so scared anf feel sorry for ppl thinking and who dont feel ashamed of even mentioning such talk infront of my mum, when they can see it clearly that nothing here is made up, its a test from above and God forbid hmm it could have been them going thu it……….. then what? So my request is to think b4 you say anything, think think think deeply for your own good hmmm… God grant every1 good health!
Im so thankful hmmm that Allah has granted me with this ability that I can see the bright side of any situation hmmm, and one thing that I try my level best to not forget is that “It could have been worse” im breathing, i talking, i can see, read, feel, walk hmmm…. memories are like Life to any indiviual i would say, coz thats whats makes them who they are, no1 can be complete without their memories, hmmm treasure them, and treasure each sec of life….You never know what next sec will bring, be good to God’s ppl, and he will shower his mercy InshAllah!
June 26th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I read this blog few times and each time sat down to write my comments and then deleted them because I don’t know where to start. This post had me in tears and totally speechless because having seeing these two people go through so much, it hurts to even think that there are some ignorant people out there who would think it’s some kind of a joke.
I can’t imagine losing even a month of my memory, let alone 24 years or 8 years of my life. We make memories to cherish them for life, to keep us going in our difficult times and when you don’t have those anymore, you feel lost because you don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. Whom to trust, how do you know what kind of relationship you shared with a certain person?
Having knowing these two personally and going through with this, if we feel this way, then imagine how they must be feeling? Or their loved ones? Seeing these two struggle with everything without complaining, always smiling and just being thankful for being alive, I’ve learned a lot.
I think had I not known them personally and not seen them go through all this, I probably wouldn’t have believed that this can happen in real life. However, having recieved msgs similar to yours, asking who I was, when just few hours before, we were talking, it does make you realize that we shouldn’t take our memory for granted. I don’t think I would’ve survived had I been in their position because the positive attitude, being so calm through everything as if nothing’s happened.
We have been blessed with knowing these two most amazing people who have taught us so much. They’ve accepted what life has thrown at them each time and just dealt with it. They’re living every moment of their life to the fullest and I think, we as their friends can’t ask for anything more for them.
I thank God every day for blessing me with these two special friends because they’ve taught me so much. They’ve taught me to always stay positive, and treasure each moment we have with each other. I’ve always believed that miracles happen but these two have shown the world that miracles really do happen and we must stay strong, faithful and hopeful and just be thankful for what we are blessed with in life.
As for those who think this is a joke, or this only happens in movies, all I’ve got to say is that anything and everything is possible in this world. You should be ashmed for thinking that someone could joke about such thing, especially what these two have been going through. I feel sorry for those who don’t are sick minded. I’m blessed to having known these two so closely and I hope and pray for their fastest recovery. I have faith in God and I know both will be perfectly fine soon. We should be thankful and stop taking our relationships for granted because who knows what tomorrow has in store for us. I treasure every moment I spend with them because I know, no matter what happens tomorrow, I’ll always have those memories to share with them one day.
May God always bless these two, their families and friends who are going through with all this. My love and Duas always with them.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Memories are a treasure no one can steal !!
or
Can anyone?
Very well written, as always, Wakas, so well explained!
You have driven the point home Wakas!
Only those who have suffered a headache know the true meaning of what they went through, yet something as major as losing one’s memory, for however short a period of time, is no joking matter. To think that someone would even suggest that its a joke, proves that the person who said it was insensitive to the point of being intentionally cruel, because they did not even think about the feelings of the patient.
I have acknowledged over and over again that we have a lot to learn from these two beautiful people, because they have taught us a lot, and we still have to learn more from them:
how not to ever question;
how always to accept what comes our way;
how we should never complain because what will be will be;
how, when something happens to us, it has a reason, yet we may not know or realize it at the time, or NEVER ever realize the reason we were put through something;
how God has mysterious ways of bringing special people closer to each other, and that it may sometimes take a calamity for this to happen!
Memories are a treasure no one can steal!
and in those times I draw upon either childhood or past memories to pull me through; yet, after reading this post I wonder how these two lovely people “hang in there” as we say it, and how they never lose hope. It has made me realize how very fortunate I am and all of us are, those who have never had to go through something like this!
There are times when my spirits are at the bottom of a bottomless well
Anything that I would want to add to this post has already been mentioned by all the lovely members before me, therefore, to avoid repetition, I will only say that I know it takes a lot of courage to remain positive in the face of adversity, and my hats off to The Two Lovely People, and the others who have gone through similar experiences. To be ill and be admitted to hospital and to undergo surgery is bad enough, but to wake up after a surgery and not to remember something is what only that particular patient can express!
I truly believe that God puts us through tests that He knows we will pass with flying colors, and that He gives us only that much pain and suffering that He knows we can sustain. Why He puts us through these tests, is what He only knows, and we cannot question Him. I am sure that one day in the near future all will be well, and this nightmare that they have gone through will just remain a bad experience, nothing much! Ameen!
Needless to say, experiences such as these teach us to appreciate more what we have.