Wakas Mir "The Blog"

Hmmm thought provoking , both the blog & the pic.It really shook me up as it was stark & is a reality in most marriages.

Abuse need not be physical but can be verbal or emotional.I have utter disrespect for people who after accepting someone as thier life partner , do not think about how their words could be damaging to the spouse.

I guess more often it is just plain the taking for granted that now that the license
is there the spouse wont easily give up on the partnership , doesnt matter how miserably they are treated.Sometimes its just the constant belittling, speaking about their incapabilities & making them feel useless, these amount to verbal abuse as well apart from just hurtling abuses .

Sorry about the lengthy comment but i guess I had a lot more to speak about Bless you Wakas for the sensitive topic.

-Latest post from Saanjs blog ..Life-Is it controlled by us or our destiny?

Yes, I have seen marriages like these and I am amazed by the bravery and patience shown by the women trapped in such marriages, how they keep on taking the crap just because of their children or because of the society (where a seperated/divorced woman wouldn’t have any place) and they are still able to smile and function as a wife and a mother. I salute their himmat. I would have died, maybe just breathing but dead inside.

-Latest post from Ordinary Girls blog ..Ramazan Mubarik

@ saanj

I hope and pray more and more people realize what they are doing to their spouse rather than continuing this frenzy..

@ ordinary girl

welcome.. and yes you are right salute to those ladies who are managing it so well, or trying to manage it for the sake of their kids… God bless them

Hmmmmm Ameen to that Wakas, When Allah give tough time he also give the strength to go thru it…But personally I dont think or I would say Im sure I couldnt have been able to handle such treatment, if i know me right I would either have said Bye to that relationship or simply died, As said above I too know women accepting such behavior and I salute them as well, But unfortunately Im not that strong….hmmmm……….and I have always believed that “Jahan zulam karna is not good, wahan Zulm sehna is not so good either”

This Pic really really scared me Wakas ummmmm, I coudnt take my eyes off for abt 5 min I think hmmm, really unfortunate and sad that is, but I guess this is Life and where there is good there is evil… Ppl not respecting themselves can never respect any1 else hmmm

Be blessed!

O gosh…ur pic. of domestic violence is aweful and real downer…is the source real or graphic …I wouldnt look at it twice..spouse abuse is universal phenamenon exists in every culture and every country..Lack of education , lack mutual respect,socioeconomic factors along with male machismo are responsible for these devlish acts…there is no violation greater than women’s rights violation…Blame it on the society I guess….

@ bholibhali

I am sure no one can manage to survive this type of relationship but then again there are people who are living proof of that.. God bless their strength and yes one shouldn’t allow this kind of behaviour EVER!

@ ghulam

ji janab.. it’s a graphic and a very very strange one isn’t it. I guess that’s what attracts the eye to realize that sometimes words we say are just like strangling the other person to death.. and true kaha.. it’s lack of education and lack of values.

Thank you for this image and the reminder that women are often subject to this type of treatment. I have met many women who are unfortunately going through this themselves daily. It’s unfortunate that women seem to feel that they must endure this type of behavior from the man in their life for the sake of their children or for the sake of society. While I can respect them for “putting up” with it, I also question why they do that. Many of them fail to realize that while their intention is just, their example is poor. They, in trying to do right by their children are in fact setting up the behavior to repeat. Studies show that children who grow up witnessing abuse in their home environments are more likely to be abusers themselves or be victims themselves. It can be taught by the parents, remember, we learn at a young age by mimicing. The only way a victim can remove themselves from an abusive situation is when they accept that they are being abused and disrespected and not because it’s their fault. That acceptance is tough to come by. Accepting that it’s not their fault is in turn accepting that the person who is abusing them does not love them and is not perfect. It’s accepting that they (the victim) need to make some major changes in their life, changes which may not be readily accepted by their family or by society.

While I can sympathize with women who are being abused, I cannot accept the rationale that they are doing something good for their children by staying in that situation and by continuing to expose their children to that environment.

I think i’ve said enough on my soap box. I would like to apologize to anyone I may have offended with my comments, but it’s just how I feel.

The amount of hurt that words can bring are just as painful as being physically hurt.

Great Job and Great Post.

Definately something to pass on to other readers.

-Latest post from JPs blog ..A Star Shines For You

@ jp

thx for the comment and yes that’s the sad part.. the pain that a person goes through mentally is far worse

@ simply desi

welcome to the blog.. and as you mentioned in your extensive comment. Yes it’s surprising what keeps those women in the relationship is mostly the sacrifice of not breaking up the family. But more than that the lives of their children. Yes this mentality is in most women, not all, but most. I have personally come across some in my few years on this earth. And they said “I stayed for my kids so their life wouldn’t be ruined without a father” Fair enough.. but then again maybe its the values injected by the mother of the mother or female who has taught the girl that first comes family then it’s YOU. I feel that we would kind of respect both parts, but as it’s a “crime” to use violence I feel it should be far worse to be on the other end and not saying anything. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and sadly our culture (not religion) is far too short sighted when it comes to these things.. and turns a blind eye to it when its their own wives.. but when they someone else do it, ohh that’s when their blood boils, especially when it’s happening to their own daughters..

Very thought provoking and an amazing selection of picture. I am pleased to see people actually voicing things that matter a lot without gender bias.

-Latest post from Sanas blog ..Gender Equality :The Corner stone of development

Impressed!
We all need to think about this matter quite seriously!

-Latest post from AamirRazs blog ..let the mourners come…

@ sana

The more we talk about it hopefully the more the new generation will learn … thx for dropping by

@ AamirRaz

Yes very true.. as much as we talk the less its remembered so constant reminders are always good . welcome

This picture is truely a very creative imagine of verbal abuse. Frankly i don’t think it is something we should ignore and carry on it is definatly something which should be raised as a major issue in our society because women who live in tribal ares of pakistan or some other countries know that they have no future without there husband and therefore live with everything they are told … !!
Some men by verbally or physically abusing there wives think that they are more powerful and can do anything…. !!
soo yes this is definatly a very thought provoking image…!!
Good work

The photo says it all, but then your post is definitely well written.

Even women can be just as verbally abusive as men, not just towards their husbands, but to their parents and children as well.

Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: “Affliction caused by the tongue is worse than (that caused by) the strike of the blade of a sword.”

-Latest post from nadias blog ..Ramadan At Work

@ annam

true na.. husbands and wives alike both can be very bad sometimes, so I guess both have to work on it if either of them is abusive .. welcome .

@ nadia

bilkul sahi kaha. n thx for sharing more achi si info sis..

We should really think over this matter, as in a man dominating society, women are always the sufferer. both should be give equal opportunity as well as if someone is wrong the other one should try to find ways for overcoming this situtation and vice versa

No Doubt verbal abuse is more agonising than the physical one and no one has the right to treat another so callously,but I strongly feel that allowing someone to torture you is more horrendous than inflicting torture.I wouldn’t only blame the person inflicting verbal torture but will also blame the one who is letting him/her inflict torture and pain.Theres a very old saying in urdu,” Zulm karne waale se zulm sehne wala zyaada barha gunahgaar hota hai” meaning the quiet sufferer of pain is a greater sinner than the one who actually inflicts pain….I believe life is a one time happening..theres no rewind and no replay to it..so every one has the right
to live life beautifully..if someone is ruining the beauty of your life ..fight back..don’t be a silent sufferer..and least of all never be a silent spectator to such suffering.

@ Ravindra

Yups both have to look at what they are doing as it could be wrong either places.. thx for commenting

@ Sonali

Exactly… the one who is suffering the pain n is silent is also a sinner so in one way or the other it goes back to the one on the receiving end as to how they are to react.

I’m really pleased to see you included ‘girls’ at the end and in your blog…as a counsellor I have seen a few men now who have been both verbally and physically abused by their female partner and there is really nowhere for men to go with this…there is also a fair amount of domenstic violence in the gay and lesbian community. Undoubtedly there is more male to female abuse going on, but the silent world of abused men also needs to be recognised more…

@ Victoria

Thx for your comment and yes I feel also that both genders can get violent with their words as not only guys are the “kings” in this game..

well..well after reading the whole blog n reading everybody’s feed back..my mind is totally drained out….emotionally disturbed by this truth..

i feel there is so much to write but sometimes keeping mum speaks a lot…well woman who r in these relationships tend to become more stronger n immune to the abuse n they stick to this circumstances due to lots of factors..the first n foremost is lack of financial security then kids, then family, society..uffffffff the line fo excuses just goes on..it’s always the women who is thought to keep mum n bear the concequences for sake of family there sibblings not getting married due to a break-up..don’t know how many sick reasons…to bind up in an unwanted marriage..but nobody comes forward n rescue the woman out of this mess by giving her the strength n financial security..it can be friends parents brother…anyone who can give a direction to the woman..but it never happens..they give some amount n advise them to slog in that marriage…very sad indeed..she is totally trapped in that environment…with nothing to do..

n child abuse i think the parents who can’t cope up with bringing up the children tend to this kind of action as they take out all of there frustration on the poor child as they feel the child a burden an unwanted…my only wuestion is when u can’t come who gave u the right to bring the child in the world..better be mentally prepared to bring a new life in the world.

bless u bro for writing the truth which really stinks…May God give a direction to the wrong doers.

-Latest post from aarzoos blog ..BEKHABAR TUJH PE FIDA HUN MAIN

@ aarzoo

thx sis for sharing you views You mentioned some very nice pointers here

As you mentioned earlier spousal abuse whether it is verbal or non-verbal can hurt immensely.
I think husband and wife share an intense bond with each other, in which they should be close enough to each other to share their thoughts and problems, if any, with each other. It can happen in a decent way i.e. a normal conversation. Turning to a beastly way to solve issues, never solves anything but instead worsens the lives of both people.
Keeping women in mind, I think it is easier for women of all origins who live in a Western community to get a divorce and live on their own if things get out of hand in comparison to those who live in group cultures. In group cultures it is an option, which doesn’t really exist and thus a woman has to live with her husband despite his verbal and physical abuses. What I find pathetic is that women have nowhere else to go in such situations, and therefore they choose a life which portrays the ‘support’ of their husbands to the outer world and thus makes them look respectable in other people’s eyes. It doesn’t entirely revolve around them anymore, but around what other people think about them and how they judge them.
Verbal and Physical abuse, whether it comes from the man’s side or the woman’s side isn’t justifiable. Sarcasm in serious situations creates a crack between the beautiful bond two people share with each other.
I think this isn’t just a war between two individuals, but communities are part of it.
Respect is one of the foremost requirements in a marriage, and if one hurts one’s spouse with harsh words or heavy beatings, it isn’t only inhumane but he also crosses the boundary of a relationship that is based on respect, trust and love.

@ ik_larki

Thx a lot sis for extending the entry a bit further and shedding light on the issue. It’s amazing that so many of you have the same views

Abuse of anykind is bad be it physical or mental, marriage is a sacred union of two people where there should be love respect and trust, if the spouse has to live every minute in fear not knowing what will come to her. is a living hell to her.

This has to be understood and stopped, to build up relationship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Very well said.. love, respect and trust the most important ingredients in the handi of shadi