Hey no obviously I am not selling myself, after all if I really was what would be the name for that “transaction”
Oh yah.. we Asians already have that. it’s called Jahez.. yes Dowry in English. What is it actually? Is it the best way one can start a life when asking the girl’s side ke “Uncle ji, I am such a loser can you give me a car, a house, business, a fridge and a detox foot patch kit”
I mean what are those guys thinking who do that?
It’s another thing that when the girl’s parents feel they want to give something, but when the guy’s side kind of “shamelessly” ASKS for dowry.. I think the guy should get a jutti on his head.. yes the jutti can be dipped in mud.
“You are bringing a girl in to your house my friend, your life partner.. someone who will share with you her deepest secrets, her life, her dreams.. what kind of marriage is it when you are making it a transaction!”
Why would you sell yourself?
What are your views on this guys n gals… To Dowry…or Not to Dowry… Did you get one? Did you give away Dowry..? Enlighten us..
September 12th, 2008 at 9:16 am
of course dowry is a curse for our society. you rightly said that boys ask for jahez shamelessly but i think the overwhelming majority of new generation is realizing the curse and do not want to be a part of it. an undeniable part of the fact is that girls and their parents do not accept the offer that they should not provide dowry to the gal. i think the reasons they have in their minds are that, the entering in new home with riches wont let the new companion(s) to let the girl down.
* i have just included the educated portion of our society while talking about dowry
some great posts about dowry can be found here
http://shagufta.urdutech.com/blog/?p=105
http://shab.urdutech.net/2008/08/28/shaadi-2/
http://dareecha.urdutech.com/?p=94
September 12th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Can I just word “Laanat” for these type of ppl, who ask for jahez hmmm, coz when someone giving any1 their beloved daughter, I think its really really shame on any indiviual to ASK for anything more!
Yea any parents who wants ot give gifts to their daughters on their wedding is something totally different and yeh unka right hai, but ASKING for jahez? thats so unfortunate and sad/bad thing to do… I know there are soooo many cases where this do happend and it only causes troubles in the future, coz the person or his family who is asking for dowry arent serious and sencier from the heart, if they were they wudnt have asked for jahez directly or indirectly!
Me personally…I wudnt have married a person asking for dowry, Simple!
Allah give hidaiyat to all who are into such thinking, Ameen!
September 12th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Neither Masood nor his family asked for any dowry. In fact, they didn’t ask for any single thing; they just wanted me
Some people say things like that ke, “Nahi ji, humain jahez nahi chahiye.” But when the girl doesn’t come with a certain number of gold ornaments or a complete bedroom furniture set, these same people would then say,”Apney ghar se khaali haath aagayein.”
For heaven’s sake, a girl leaves her home and family to be with her husband, to be a lifetime partner, friend, cook, cleaner, and nanny. I think the husband and his family should give monthly compensation to her instead!
Another thing is maher. The guy promises so and so mehar during nikkah, but most girls don’t get this amount. My mehar was given right after nikah, and that is exactly how it should be.
September 12th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
This blog of yours just got a thought into my mind. In rural India you have cows being sold in markets ….. price tags around the neck. Made me feel the cows were replaced by men, the price tag & qualifications tagged around their necks. Its shameful how human lives have also been used as commodities.
I feel every girl should stand up to her rights & say I refuse to buy myself a husband.
In my community, a very small community there is no dowry system. If a man demands dowry, he is shunned & he may not be married as the word spreads that he has asked for dowry and no father will give the boy his daughter. If the parents so wish, they may gift the new couple whatever they wish but the demand from the boy shouldn’t come.
I feel most look at it as a very fast and lucrative way of getting money often forgetting that money gotten by messing up another family’s life definitely wont get them happiness or peace of mind. I just wish more girls voiced their displeasure for this horrid social custom.
September 12th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Personnaly i have two brothers married & my parents never asked to my babhys to bring anything from her parents…but them parents gave coz they said it shamed for us, people will think that we are poor…
One of my dear friend sister divorced coz her husband always & always ask to bring things & cash from her parents…when the girl refused they gave her divorce & took the baby boy with them…sometimes iam thinking if the baby was a girl will they keep with them or let to the girl home…there are 2 years now but my friend sister isnt ok just she cant meet her baby…
I think we need to make a law on this fact…coz everyone isnt too rich to give it to them daughter…& i observed in pak in this last years that people who are poor are trying to give evrything that rich people give to them daughter…is a good thing? i really dont like this…
September 12th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
@ duffer
bilkul sahi kaha.. i think those that give jahez to the daughters with their own will well dunno if that’s jahez .. I am focusing on “asking” and sadly bohat log iss cheez ko misuse karte na.. thx for sharing
@ bholibhali
hena.. asking for jahez is like.. saying “humare bache ko ye ye dein tab bacha denge.” bacha nahi Anda dena hei jaise
@ nadia
sahi kaha sis.. yehi to baat na the cook, cleaner and nanny leni aur ulta paise mangte.. but yah to the serious note it’s nice as you explained ke mehar ussi waqt dena chahiye .. like it should be
@ saanj
cows with tags hehe
and yes so true more girls should come out n voice their ghusa on this
@ butterfly
yes butterfly sis.. it’s true that most families mess their own family just to keep their daughter’s hone wala husband happy…
September 12th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Bas itna hi kahungi ki ye bohot bari laanat hai jaise bholi bhali larki ne kaha hai..Allaah najaat dilaai aisi bimaari se jo gharon ko tabaah kar deti hai qarz ke daldal main.
waise aaj kal ajeeb-ajeeb tareeqe hogai hai daheez mangne ke..na jaane kahaan kahaan se dhoond ke aise aise tareeqe aijaad karte hai jisse lage bhi na ke ye mang rahe hai..bas bete ki bhalaai uska future uska career uska business na jaane kya kya naye tareeqe maangne ke..ghar car elecrical goods parhaai ka kharcha cash..aaj ke zamane main jaise beti hona ik gunaah hai…Allaah bachaai aise lalchi logon se.
Allaah ka lakh-lakh shukar hai humaare ghar main ye rivaaj nahi hai daheez mangne ka..dono bhaiyon ko bina len den ke shaadi ki hai, aur larkon ko shuru se yehi sikhaya gaya hai ke humne parha likha kar laaik kiya hai apni mehnat se apna ghar sanbhalo..mashAllaah they both r happy n priud to be called a self made man.
lekin afsos ki baat ye hue ke betiyon ko dher saara dahez dekar vida karna para…kyon ke har kissi ki soch mere daddy jaisi to nahi hogi na…dua hai sab log is tarha soche aur ladkon se guzaarish hai ke apni ana aur apne aapko na beche…itne kaabil bane ke kissi ke aage haath phailana pade.
shukriya bhai ye aham mudde uthaane ke liye…Allaah aapko dher saari khushiyan de.
September 13th, 2008 at 9:44 am
@ aarzoo
yes sis Allah bachaye aise lalchi logon se na.. God bless