How often have you heard this around your families by the elders?
I have heard this WAY too many times about lots of guys in our desi society who are kind of going on the wrong “path”. Like going totally insane and ruining their lives with late nights, girls, and anything that can totally mess one up when the line is crossed.
A guy who is unable to see a girl without seeing doubles (like the picture) due to his drinking problems doesn’t deserve to be with someone until they are READY and HEALED. They can’t be given a “doll” to play with, which in the above situation is still called a biwi (a wife), instead of an inmate which she would be.
But what do our elders do? Or in this case what do those people think who I am aiming this post towards?
They appreciate the idea that when you bring a Pakistani or Indian girl from back home she will make this loafer’s life a heaven and he will “palak jhapakte hi” become a saint.. how sick is that?
How can the guys and girls who are from the guy’s side allow this to even happen? Would those girls who jump around like crazy because their self obsessed brother is getting married to a girl who has no idea that the wedding clothes she is putting on is actually her kaffan? Would those “sisters” allow themselves to be married to someone like that?
I feel everyone who gets married deserves a happy loving husband. Not someone who just got “dragged” into being married with some girl who from her point of view is starting her life, a life full of beautiful dreams, a life where she feels she will be with her soul mate, not her shoe’s sole!
And khuda ke liye let’s understand and get it through our heads, that MARRIAGE SHOULD BE FOR LIFE!
It’s not a doll’s house that one year with this person and the next few years with someone else..
A tiny request to parents and friends who are reading this. Do not encourage anyone to put some innocent girl’s life in danger by putting her into a life sentence with how insensitive, low, and rude some guys become when they get the taste of the night world.
Books related to Relationships and Marriage
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
What are your views on this? Are those people who say that “Shaadi kara do ladka theek ho jayega” right? Would YOU marry off your sister to someone like that? Do share please…
September 17th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Hmmmmm Now this is a really really serious and heart touching topic Wakas, and so very well written MashAllah
Is so sad its sooooo unfortunate that this has to happend to so many lovely girls, and the worst thing is that not so many learn form one incident, they keep on repeating the mistake
I get so touchy and frankly speaking “mad” when i hear any1 saying that ” shaadi se pehle sare ladke aise hote hain” or ” Shadi ke baad theek ho jayga”… And the shocking baat is that this in many cases comes form “girls” Parents as well, coz the guy is in their family and so on… I mean for Gods sake, shaadi to yeh dekh kar karte hain ke they guy is decent, and sensible, mature and will InshAllah keep their daughter happy..A mother he do have already na, its not a wives resposibilty to “theek” karna her hubby this job shud be fulfilled by his mums loooong time b4 marriage, and wife shud definitely not be taken as a replacement of a nanny!!!
Not in majority but this happens as well that if a desi girl is spoiled and end up with late night party wagaira, her parents wud take her back to homeland and get her married to a innocent guy, ke “theek ho jayegi” So this way they destroy the guys life! I have never understood how such ppl think, but they really need to change their mindset and wake up!!!
Aik “marriage” ka image and uski poori haqeeqat ko mazaq and tamasha banane ka haq kisiko nahin, let go making tamasha and ruin lives of innocent indiviuals just coz U THINK someone “theek ho jayega/Jayegi!
Be blessed
September 17th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Exactly Bholibhali.. you are right that some girl’s are also used in situations like these ruining the guy’s life.. God bless those parents who don’t think like this..
September 17th, 2008 at 11:06 am
i ve heard the “post title” many times. i think this is always the case and the exception is DUFFER. my parents dont think or i would have been married many many times
-Latest post from ڈفرs blog ..عہد
September 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Hundreds of lives are destroyed because some people think this way
How can marriage be an instant “fix” for someone’s inefficiency or bad character?
I wish women would muster up the courage to speak up and refuse to be married to men like these.
-Latest post from nadias blog ..Atlantis: The Palm, Dubai
September 17th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Kya baat hai Wakas bhai, every word of this post is correct…..Waisey kya baat hai aajkal shaadi ke post zyada arahey hain, is the one positively charged became shaadi wala charge;)
One more thing…it’s taking lot of time to load your website…any reasons??? though we have 1mbps ADSL line.
-Latest post from masoods blog ..Tips for Happy Life
September 17th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
one line for such parents who say this line, bewi la rahe ho ya maan
?
when he can get on the wrong path even in presence of his parents how you expect he will get on the right path when he will get married? do they think girls are kind of ‘jadoogarnis’ who do jadoos on the guy and he turned shareef :/?
awesome topic!
-Latest post from Ayeshas blog ..Memories..!
September 17th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
@ duffer
well good luck with your hone wali shaadi then na
@ nadia
Yea sis wish girls would stand up to this because if they don’t they would be just ending their lives before it even starts
@ masood
hehe oops.. naa reason aisa waisa to nahi hei bass these things are too much hoing aaj kal na.. as for site will have a look might be some temp issue
@ ayesha
Exactly.. biwi hei koi jadoogarni to nahi, unless ofcourse she does kala jadoo as a hobby.. .. welcome to the blog
September 17th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I have just one thing to say marriage is no answer for this, a reform home or a behavioural therapist would help more rather than getting a girls life all messed up.
Yes its fairly common to see a lot of parents think that’ Lets get our son married off then maybe he will settle down’ As parents who have known him all their life then cant change him then how do they expect it of a young girl who has had absolutely no experience in anything in life. I feel it is unjust, selfish and plain foolishness in parents part to think along with marriage a change will occur .
I absolutely would tell girls to say no to such alliances and tell girls that if your family plans something like this for your brothers or cousins put your foot down say it is not fair .
-Latest post from Saanjs blog ..Sensitiveness
September 17th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Another good post again
well, it’s an important current issue. you are right ke koi parents apni larki ke sath esa nahi karega but almost support their boys in this matter.
and it’s not only duty of parents, larko’n ko bhi sochna chahiye ke kisi larki ko jazbaat main itna aagay na lay jaeyn ke phir ba’ad mein problem ho.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:22 am
@ saanj
Yes saanj, hope girls stand up and say “Ye Shaadi nahi ho sakdi”
@ raahbar
Exactly Raahbar.. think guys n gals both need to be aware that sometimes they HAVE to be serious and there is nothing more serious than marriage.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:40 am
You’ve rightly pointed out the role of ‘women’ in this situation… Sahi kehtay hain buzurg kay Aurat hee Aurat ki dushman hae… How a mother ( a woman) can through another woman into FIRE just to bring her son back to SENSES??… And sisters ( again women) try to find the most innocent and pious girl for their ooot patang brother … Sudher gya tu un ka bhai naa sudhra tu bhabi ka dard-e-sar …
Allah hum sab ko hidayat de!! AAmeen
-Latest post from Naynis blog ..Chand ki Budhya……
September 18th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Exactly Nayni… it’s usually the parents who put their own daughters in this situation .. as bholibhali said on her blog here
http://www.bholibhali.com/2008/09/sharmindagi-ya-proudness/
it’s just sad n hopefully people will realize it soon that it wrecks the whole future of those two and those to come..
September 21st, 2008 at 2:12 am
Thats not possible really – you know why – Most parents in Pakistan have no idea the boys are into drugs and drinking.
Boys in our part of the world lead double lives, cushioned by family and friends – A girl may not find out even eight to ten years later that the husband drinks even – the men are that clever.
We have to train the girls to be able to find out on their own exactly what makes their hubands tick – to encourage them to come clean and confess to their rotten habits, and if they decide that they still want to stay with the LOSER, to then slowly try to rehabilitate him – Its tough, but some women are so disillusioned by first experience that they lose the will to try again – better to take trash out of existing dustbin, wash it, clean it, replace the garbage bag with new one, and then place it back in its corner in their lives!
-Latest post from Asmas blog ..Cheap FLIRTS!!!
September 21st, 2008 at 7:17 am
Nice one Asma sis
yah the trash has to be taken out ya know.. big time!