Dear Mum,

I tried my best to put an end to the pain that the cancer was causing you. I did try my best as  a son that atleast from me you get no complaints. From the time we found out about your cancer till the last breath you took while I held your hand, God knows that I didn’t let the hope die that you will be ok. You were in pain but you were atleast here. But then I figured out that If I love you so much why would I want to see you in pain because that would be unfair and selfish when we know your final destination is heaven and you will be lot happier there. So why would we keep on wanting you to suffer every single second of the day.

As your eldest son I will make it my mission that everything I do on earth now will give you rewards in heaven. I will take care of my little baby sister and promise to be there for her through thick and thin. I promise to always guide my little brothers through every path of life and I promise to never ever say anything that hurts dad in anyway.

I tried my best not to cry when we were lowering your body in your new home. The moment your soul left your body on 26.10.2009  I saw that you had a very peaceful smile. Those that wrapped you in kafan also said we have no words to describe how radiant you looked and your skin was as fresh as if you were hmmm ok. But mum.. you are ok na. I mean I know you are, because now that you are in paradise you will have no pain, no injections to wait for. Now you can enjoy the beautiful jannat-ul-firdaus that you deserve.

I got my jannat by being there with you through each step, and being lucky enough to give you the few water drops that were the last thing that went in through the lips that always asked God for our happiness and success.

Allah ji, I got a tiny request. Can you possibly not make me neighbor of my mum up there but let me live with her instead in the same palace she is living in? hmm

Siblings!

We all have brothers or sisters, (well ok ok not all) but those of us who do really have to go through lots to deal with them. If we are the eldest then the whole thing becomes even tougher. Since either you will be seen as the duplicate of your dad or mum which your siblings won’t like and on the other hand you might come across as being bossy.

But no matter what, I have learnt that if you are the eldest then the best thing is to be there for your brothers and sisters but don’t force them into doing anything even though if its best for them. Just tell them the reason why you saying it and then back out but be there for them so they can call you up when they need you.

How do you deal with your siblings?

I have to admit that in our house I do try to put in some basic rules that I feel that we brothers should follow. Since dad is too “flexible” and mum isn’t well. But the thing is I have come to a conclusion which most of you have come to ages n ages ago. Which is, that one can NOT control anyone but oneself.

I tried placing small time limits on when the brothers should be home and so on, but funnily enough knowing that they will follow it one day and forget it the other day.. I still try to make sure they follow it. Even to the extreme that they don’t pick up the phone sometimes with the “fear” that I will call them to come home.

Sadly the incidents that I was afraid of did happen, two of my brothers got into a major fight where four adults beat them in middle of the night, just as I always said someone would do that. Then the other bro got into another issue because he wouldn’t listen.

But knowing it all I still to this date try in my own sense to do my bit as a older bro. I can’t just let go because the day I back out, everything will fall on the spot. So the trick is that now I take less stress of what they are doing and more focus on myself and keep saying this to myself “You can not control anyone but yourself”.. phew that feels lot better.

When it comes to raising kids, the parents play a major role obviously. But what do you do when you are the eldest in the house, amongst your brothers and sisters. Where do you draw the line?

This is a question asked by all those elder brothers and sisters around the world who really care about their siblings. But what happens when you cross the line from being a bro to a father? Where does the respect go from that point on forward is just something very dangerous for that relationship.

I am the eldest among my siblings and sometimes when I define some rules at home which dad is too soft to establish, it makes things go a bit up and down. So from now onwards I will focus on being a brother rather than being a dad because tested and proven methods don’t work when the head of the house isn’t strict like you

So what about you? If you are the young one in your family.. how do you want your eldest bro or sis to behave with you? And if you are the eldest what do you do?