I have often wondered what the most important ingredients in an ideal family are, but obviously when we fail to locate them, we are presented with a family that’s nothing more than a family we often can refer to as a dysfunctional family.

So what is a dysfunctional family?

In my view, after seeing tremendous amount of homes showing the beauty of respect among family members to seeing families where respect is often a word unknown to them, I can say that things carry a different meaning depending on who you are asking.

A dysfunctional family is not a group of people where everyone is out of the ordinary, it can be a family where children have no respect for their parents, it can be parents where they show no sign of showing value to their childre, and it can be both who treat each other as if they don’t care for the other person’s happiness.

Do parents have a hand in ruining a family?

Yes, ofcourse they do. Parents who have no respect for one another, for their relation and others connected to them, most probably have a very big hand in the formation of the way children think. Not only do they create a totally negative atmosphere but they also feed in dysfunctional thoughts into everyone they come across.

In some cases one can probably locate other reasons, such as family members who might have nothing better to do then to disturb the peace of mind of people.

What can be done to save families from this self-destructive behaviour?

I have often thought about the fact that people who have kids without wanting to have them usually end up ruining their life as well. For the first they are probably not ready to be a parent, for the second they probably don’t have the wish to be one and when there is no wish one often doesn’t like to find a way either.

My thought goes into some kind of regulation, although it might be a eutopian thought, but how would it be if anyone who was expecting or was thinking of having a baby went through some kind of a theory test and answered some questions, plus did some course as to how they will be taking care of their child, what type of mindset they have.

The result we can get out of such a programme can help us indicate as to how mature the parents to be really are, and what kind of parents the innocent child will be guarded by. I don’t know how others feel about this but for me it’s important to realize one thing, and that point is clear and precise. A child should be the most important thing in the parents life, both parents should give the child the time it deserves, if they can’t do it they shouldn’t be parents.

We often hear people talk about abortion and people who are against it, I am against it too and don’t advocate it either. But those people who are giving birth to children without wanting them are doing far worse than abortion, they are killing the whole future and life of a child by not giving them what the child deserves, time and love.

A publishing house in Norway,Cappelen Damm, is giving out a book that contains every cuss word possible. And the writers conclude that it will be a very beneficial thing to promote the linguistic quality of the language.

But does it?
I don’t get the above point at all. Why the need to publish something as silly as this, not only silly but something that creates a society without respect and dignity. What can you expect from a child if all you teach is cuss and bad words of all sorts?

The tongue plays a major role in creating harmony and a beautiful society, it can also be the reason for fights and later on wars due to the mismanagement of this very tool. If we can’t give our children gold and silver atleast we can give them something they can manage to survive with, a beautiful character and a tongue that does no one harm.

Would go on and on about this, but rest my case as such a book is definitely not worth it. To improve the language of a child, the children books on the shelves at the moment are more than enough.

We often hear people say “Grow up!!!” on various occasions, without ever thinking twice as to the real meaning behind it.

Usually it’s a matter of someone else showing the other person how “childish” they are and how they need to grow up. Grow up to be more understanding towards their feelings, or their emotions.

But does growing up mean just that? How many grown-ups do you know who really understand each other’s feelings and are fully aware of the opposite person’s emotions and likes/dislikes, and respect them for it?

I don’t feel that growing-up to be more of an adult is enough for a person to start realizing the beauty of how to respect each other and take each other not for granted, no matter which relation you share with them.

Growing-up in the true sense should mean that a person has realize that each action they take, will create a reaction. And each reaction can either be good and bad, based on what they choose. Lots of us might be grown-ups, but have we really grown into the real beauty of how to treat others in a more humane way?

Look around you. How many grown-ups you see sitting in those big seats in the parliament, in the UN, in the super power seats. Are they all behaving like grown-ups or kids?

If they were behaving like kids, maybe they would have forgotten the pathetic reasons they were fighting for, there would be no wars and at the end of a battle they would all go out for ice-cream.

So maybe, we should change this term and use “Shrink Down”.. because the younger they go, the more innocent and  less likely to come up with lies.

And no, growing up certainly has nothing to do with height!

A recent report in Norway revealed that 9 out of 10 smokers choose not to smoke when a child is around. That would mean that out of every 10 000 people 1000 would choose to smoke around a kid. That’s a quite hard to grasp “fact” or a survey result for me atleast.

First of all, there are lots of reasons why I don’t smoke, just one of the reasons is that I don’t feel the need to ruin my health more than the pollution around me already does. But then I don’t have any right to impose it on others, reasons that make me not smoke might not be good enough for someone else.

But what about the children, the lovely beings that we pray are healthy when they are born and can do anything for them. What about them? Do they deserve to have their health deteriorated just because someone couldn’t think straight and smoke elsewhere than in the same room as them?

A few people I know smoke, but they don’t smoke near their children which is a great thing, but just for the sake of the connection we all share as human beings, I wish they too quit because the damage they are doing to their internal organs is not worth it, the family members who love them would love to see them around for a longer period of time rather than having cancer take over.

If you don’t smoke, please don’t start for the love of your family, if you do.. at least don’t puff your smoke near others on buss stops or train stations because if you don’t want someone stuffing some a kebab in your mouth without you wanting to eat it , I doubt others would want the stinky smoke either.

Read something that shook me completely. A guy tied his mother to a chair and burnt the whole house. The mother who is in her 60s is safe and the 30 year old son is in jail.

No matter what his mother did or said to him, whatever the reason might be, no one and absolutely no one has the right to do such to their mothers. A mother is a gift from God and someone who provides us free residence in her body for 9 months, something this guy’s mother has also done, she feeds us something that this guy’s mother also did and someone who took care of us when no one would have just like this guy’s mother has done as well.

So how is it possible that a being who got his soul inside his body while he was in his mother’s body after growing up to become a man, tries to take her life? Insane you say.. well maybe he was, but there are lots of sane people who throw their mothers in the old homes, what about them?

Proper and 100% sane people at the time when their mothers need them the most, take them to the old home and say “Mum this is your new home”, what for? For the fear of taking care of her when she is ill, when she needs food and so on..

Isn’t that sick? I mean what if our mothers did that to us, when we used to cry what if she just locked us in a room and gave someone else the responsibility to take care of us.. Would someone else have the pain in their heart when we would cry? When we would need to eat?

People who don’t respect their mothers are the most unfortunate people ever. I can’t trust them.. since how can you trust someone for whom his mother is a burden?

I had a show on CrazeFM.com on 22nd November 2009 about kids and if its alright to beat them. Obviously it isn’t but lots of users did say that yes at some time a few pats on the back are very much needed. Some people even said that yes since they got beaten up when kids they did change so it will work on their kids too.

Being in Norway, which is a country that loves spoiling kids with pushing them to call the police when a parent even says something like, “hey clean your room or this and that”.. BOOOM BOOM the police comes and shows the kid that this is the right away to treat YOUR parents, and parents instead of feeling like a parent feel as if they are doing something wrong each time they open their mouth or say anything to their kid thinking twice thrice..

I feel that when kids get out of hand its because the pattern at home has taught them to be this way, they are children who need guidance and need to be told what is right and wrong. you can’t expect a kid to LEARN from his mistakes when you know the mistake would cost him his life.

What are your views? What to do when kids really get out of hand and how do you think you would deal with difficult kids?

I have to admit that in our house I do try to put in some basic rules that I feel that we brothers should follow. Since dad is too “flexible” and mum isn’t well. But the thing is I have come to a conclusion which most of you have come to ages n ages ago. Which is, that one can NOT control anyone but oneself.

I tried placing small time limits on when the brothers should be home and so on, but funnily enough knowing that they will follow it one day and forget it the other day.. I still try to make sure they follow it. Even to the extreme that they don’t pick up the phone sometimes with the “fear” that I will call them to come home.

Sadly the incidents that I was afraid of did happen, two of my brothers got into a major fight where four adults beat them in middle of the night, just as I always said someone would do that. Then the other bro got into another issue because he wouldn’t listen.

But knowing it all I still to this date try in my own sense to do my bit as a older bro. I can’t just let go because the day I back out, everything will fall on the spot. So the trick is that now I take less stress of what they are doing and more focus on myself and keep saying this to myself “You can not control anyone but yourself”.. phew that feels lot better.