I have often wondered what the most important ingredients in an ideal family are, but obviously when we fail to locate them, we are presented with a family that’s nothing more than a family we often can refer to as a dysfunctional family.

So what is a dysfunctional family?

In my view, after seeing tremendous amount of homes showing the beauty of respect among family members to seeing families where respect is often a word unknown to them, I can say that things carry a different meaning depending on who you are asking.

A dysfunctional family is not a group of people where everyone is out of the ordinary, it can be a family where children have no respect for their parents, it can be parents where they show no sign of showing value to their childre, and it can be both who treat each other as if they don’t care for the other person’s happiness.

Do parents have a hand in ruining a family?

Yes, ofcourse they do. Parents who have no respect for one another, for their relation and others connected to them, most probably have a very big hand in the formation of the way children think. Not only do they create a totally negative atmosphere but they also feed in dysfunctional thoughts into everyone they come across.

In some cases one can probably locate other reasons, such as family members who might have nothing better to do then to disturb the peace of mind of people.

What can be done to save families from this self-destructive behaviour?

I have often thought about the fact that people who have kids without wanting to have them usually end up ruining their life as well. For the first they are probably not ready to be a parent, for the second they probably don’t have the wish to be one and when there is no wish one often doesn’t like to find a way either.

My thought goes into some kind of regulation, although it might be a eutopian thought, but how would it be if anyone who was expecting or was thinking of having a baby went through some kind of a theory test and answered some questions, plus did some course as to how they will be taking care of their child, what type of mindset they have.

The result we can get out of such a programme can help us indicate as to how mature the parents to be really are, and what kind of parents the innocent child will be guarded by. I don’t know how others feel about this but for me it’s important to realize one thing, and that point is clear and precise. A child should be the most important thing in the parents life, both parents should give the child the time it deserves, if they can’t do it they shouldn’t be parents.

We often hear people talk about abortion and people who are against it, I am against it too and don’t advocate it either. But those people who are giving birth to children without wanting them are doing far worse than abortion, they are killing the whole future and life of a child by not giving them what the child deserves, time and love.

A recent report in Norway revealed that 9 out of 10 smokers choose not to smoke when a child is around. That would mean that out of every 10 000 people 1000 would choose to smoke around a kid. That’s a quite hard to grasp “fact” or a survey result for me atleast.

First of all, there are lots of reasons why I don’t smoke, just one of the reasons is that I don’t feel the need to ruin my health more than the pollution around me already does. But then I don’t have any right to impose it on others, reasons that make me not smoke might not be good enough for someone else.

But what about the children, the lovely beings that we pray are healthy when they are born and can do anything for them. What about them? Do they deserve to have their health deteriorated just because someone couldn’t think straight and smoke elsewhere than in the same room as them?

A few people I know smoke, but they don’t smoke near their children which is a great thing, but just for the sake of the connection we all share as human beings, I wish they too quit because the damage they are doing to their internal organs is not worth it, the family members who love them would love to see them around for a longer period of time rather than having cancer take over.

If you don’t smoke, please don’t start for the love of your family, if you do.. at least don’t puff your smoke near others on buss stops or train stations because if you don’t want someone stuffing some a kebab in your mouth without you wanting to eat it , I doubt others would want the stinky smoke either.

Today I was out with my brothers to McDonalds. Yes I know not healthy, but I didn’t have any coke, just water but yah I know it doesn’t help when I had a fish burger and large fries While I was enjoying my food I heard some screaming and as I always like to “jump in” to fix things I did get up and saw 5 or 6 kids screaming their head off to some tamil customers on the other side with a lady or two. I felt that if I say something it won’t be heard as both are nuts at that moment. So I was watching and seeing when to jump in.

Don’t know how it started but they were like both saying “I am gonna kill you” and so on to one another. I was watching and my reaction was unlike it used to be ages ago, I was calm and wondering what is going on through the mind of these kids. As some of them were 15 or 16 while the other guy “lucky” for the guys was not that LARGE like a few tamil guys I know here in Norway, or they wouldn’t dare talk like that.

Well the security guy came and stopped them, but I kind of felt that the reaction from both sides was very exagerated. It was so inhumane and very much like animals. My 20 year old brother was sitting and I asked him would you ever jump into stop a huge fight, he answered with a “No bhai, I won’t. I don’t want to get into trouble of others”.. I felt it was a good answer, since sometimes we can fix things, other times we can make them worse if we don’t have the position of doing so, like a guard or so.

Because no matter how calm I am at this present time, I do know if I had jumped in and the guys had said something I would have bashed a few heads, no doubt about that. But maybe that’s why I didn’t because that’s not how I deal with things anymore.

So I wanted to share this and get your views, as to when do YOU jump in and if you ever do is it ok to not jump in and still be helpful?

I had a show on CrazeFM.com on 22nd November 2009 about kids and if its alright to beat them. Obviously it isn’t but lots of users did say that yes at some time a few pats on the back are very much needed. Some people even said that yes since they got beaten up when kids they did change so it will work on their kids too.

Being in Norway, which is a country that loves spoiling kids with pushing them to call the police when a parent even says something like, “hey clean your room or this and that”.. BOOOM BOOM the police comes and shows the kid that this is the right away to treat YOUR parents, and parents instead of feeling like a parent feel as if they are doing something wrong each time they open their mouth or say anything to their kid thinking twice thrice..

I feel that when kids get out of hand its because the pattern at home has taught them to be this way, they are children who need guidance and need to be told what is right and wrong. you can’t expect a kid to LEARN from his mistakes when you know the mistake would cost him his life.

What are your views? What to do when kids really get out of hand and how do you think you would deal with difficult kids?

I am writing a lot these days about kids and families and so on. Reason being that I am seeing a lot around me the kind of “care” some children show towards their parents. When someone is ill their sense of being touchy increases a lot and when they are parents they do expect that kids do take out time to ask them how they are doing and so on.

When one knows that your parent is ill to the extreme, then how come some children find other things more important rather then spending time with someone who is the PRIME reason that they are in this world? If it was in my control I would put all those type of children on a big ship and send them so far away that their parents never ever go through the hell of finding out that them caring for their kids was just a total loss.

Why don’t these kids see that them not caring for their parents at the hour of need is a disgrace to humanity and I personally feel that anyone who doesn’t have feelings for their parents isn’t fit to be called a human being.. and yes not even an animal, since even animals have some bit of affection for their parents.

I was just wondering how quickly the time changed. Few years ago when I was a kid I remember that 15-16 year olds didn’t go that far into the extreme when it came to anything. Either it’s skipping school, going out with someone or anything for that matter. Since I went to school in Norway, this going out thing is quite common sadly. Why sadly you say? Well first of all.. I am NOT a big fan of kids who feel that at a age of 14 or 15 the one they are with is the love of their life.

Just two days ago a girl from a family that I know tried to commit suicide because the guy who she was with ditched her second day cuz he was with her just for fun. Sadly I had given a 4 hour lecture to this girl a few weeks back about life and stuff. Too bad it didn’t sink in that well that she went on and did this. She tried this silly act twice till now. All because of a stupid 15 year old jerk who probably still wears his diapers. I mean come on kids.. what is wrong with you????

Do you have any idea what love is? The purity the beautiful way it changes your life, the way it makes you a better person.

What do you guys think.. I mean any of you feel the same way that “kids” atleast should focus on what’s important. Which is education.. not this nonsense they claim is love.

I was out the other day and came across a few asian guys who were huffing and puffing, i didn’t think too much of it until I saw the police after them running into a park and grabbing them both n putting them on the bench. Just so they could take out the marijuana from their pockets and handcuff them. Later on they would be be in jail for that night, as the Norwegian law usually is until next morning when they have to appear before court if things go bad.

What a life are they leading? What hell are they putting their parents through???

What is this??

Where are those kids that used to run after small kites flying in the blue sky?

Where are those kids that played with marbles out on the road?

Where are those innocent kids that used to sit on the tiny ride in the street and loved it?

Where are those kids who every Friday would be dying to go with their parents to the mosque?

Where are the kids who would run towards the kitchen when their mother wants water, just to make sure THEY got it for her…

Where are the kids who would smile whenever they would see their brother or sister?

I am living in a country called Norway.. a place where my fellow friends came to earn a living for their families so they could have a good life later on.

A good life? Did I say a good life hmmm

After seeing the fathers of those kids waiting for passengers for their cabs at 4 in the morning.. I figured out one thing. That parents do so much for their kids, only to be left alone when its the children’s turn..

But where is that life they came for? Where are the kids that they came for..

The only thing those parents have earned now.. is loneliness

I can’t seem to locate the innocent and vibrant smiles on their faces when they flew to this country leaving their homeland.

All I can see written all over their face is…

Heart ache, pain, worry, stress, and a sense of losing everything..

Seeing their kids who they brought up working at places no one could imagine..

Working at places where if their kids know about they would feel ashamed in front of their friends..

“Where are those kids? Do you know where they are??

Can you please help…? Because I can’t locate them anywhere..

I tried the mosques, I tried the city, I tried the schools..

I have failed in locating their children…

And if any of those children are listening…

Read one thing and memorize it my friend..

What goes around.. comes around.

Those that brought you into this world deserve your time and love, just like what you got from them..

By wasting it on others you are showing your parents that YES I am what I am because of ME not you!

So you are ashamed of your father or mother appearing in front of your friends? Or maybe you can’t tell your friends where your dad works as a cleaner or as a cab driver.. you are ashamed of that??

My dear friend.. let me show you something.

Get a mirror… and look deep inside it.

What do you see? Do you see the image that looks like you?

That’s it…

That IS what you should be ashamed of…

Jo duniya mein maa baap ka dil dukhata hei
Wo saari zindagi kabhi chain nahi paata hei